Love Your Self, Love Your Body

goodmorning-bianca:

Anyone looking at or for pro-ana/mia site; STOP, an please read this.

As recent as four months ago I was a healthy 54kgs with a desire to lose weight. I thought if I looked at ‘pro-ED’ sites it would help. Everyday I would look at emaciated bodies and ‘thinspirational’ phrases. I started to lose weight. With every kilo that dropped I was excited to reach that point of, so-called, perfection.

It never came.

The more weight I lost, the more unhappy i became. After about a month I didn’t even need to look at the sites. The damage was done. It was in my head that being fat was not an option. It was bad, wrong, disgusting. What I didn’t know was I was becoming disgustingly thin. 37.6kgs to be exact and even then I still didn’t feel thin enough. After all, I’d spent hours being told you can never be too thin. There was just no stopping my weight loss. I had developed an eating disorder; Anorexia Nervosa according to my diagnosis sheet.

This is me in my hospital room where I’m forced to eat, watched when I use the bathroom or shower, am allowed freedom for one hour a day with family members only (a privilege that I had to earn), and am not even allowed to enter from 9am-9pm. That’s right, I get locked out of my own room, instead spending 2hrs and 15mins of my day at a dining table, broken down into six meals. The rest of the time is spent sitting in a lounge room bored out of my mind. We are not even allowed to stand for longer than 3minutes. If we do, we get told off.

I’m not passing the blame, but can’t help but think, would i be lonely in the hospital ward wishing that I could be at home with my family had I never come across those sites? Who knows.

Don’t risk it. Don’t end up like me. I never thought id be one to get an eating disorder but here I am.
There is nothing glamorous about an eating disorder. Bones are NOT beautiful and thin is NOT in.

Love your body. Love your curves. Love yourself. Starvation is no way to anything apart from constant hell and an early grave.

(Source: bonjour-bianca)